Cleanse This!

Today I started a colon cleanse. It's been pretty simple, there's a well laid-out meal plan and lots of different things to eat. It mainly cuts out preservatives, sugar, and dairy. It's been going relatively well, lunch prepared and packed, but I've already managed to forget the cleanse regimen a couple times.

The first time was around 11:15am (4 hours and 15 mins cleanse-time) when a co-worker brought around bite-size chocolate covered ice cream treats. I stuck my pudgy little fingers into the box, pulled out a couple and popped them into my mouth. Two chews and then panic set in as I remembered the reason I voluntarily ingested a bowl of cardboard...er...oatmeal this morning. I jumped up, raced to the kitchen and spit the two delicious morsels of heaven across the room into the garbage. I even rinsed my mouth out with water.

Two hours later, someone brought in big, fat chocolate chip cookies while I was eating my lunch of steamed fish and wild rice. I got up and leaned across the table with my aforementioned chubby digits reaching expectantly for the prize only to once again remember staying up until one in the morning to prepare my de-toxifying meals for the next day. Feeling the sting of disappointment, I yanked my hand back and sighed, "Oh, i can't have those."

This is how dedicated I am to a bright, shiny butthole.